Personal

Distance Stinks

The previous month presented me with a lot of challenges.  As I said earlier, Tim was gone so I found myself trying to make plans and stay relatively busy.  I did just that.  While I can’t say it was easy, I can’t say that I allowed myself to be miserable either.

What I didn’t mention in my first post was it was very difficult for us to talk as well.  So not only was he away but he couldn’t chat either.

One thing people have said to me several times is “you chose this life”.  Not only do I find that a little bit rude but it also doesn’t make it any easier.  Distance relationships for anyone are not fun.  I don’t think anyone ever says “a perfect relationship for me is someone who lives far away or is gone frequently”.  I also tried my best not to whine on the internet but honestly I didn’t find myself completely miserable that I felt the need to do that.  Yes some days were extremely hard, but some days I was so busy or gone all day with work by the time I got home I fell asleep.

Something both Tim and I have strived on is having a life outside of each other.  We love each other but we both strongly believe it’s important to have other hobbies that aren’t the same.  Tim fixes cars, I like to hang out with my friends…etc.   Honestly I think everyone needs their own hobbies too.

While he was away, I…

I’ve made plans that have kept me busy.

Some of my coworkers and I at Broad Street
Some of my coworkers and I at Broad Street

I’ve seen friends I haven’t gotten to see in a while.

I am awkward.
I am awkward.

I took time for me.

The important thing for me personally was to stay busy.  Whether staying busy meant going out to eat with friends, talking with relatives, or just hanging out…I needed to stay busy.  If I allowed myself to be bored, then I began to be miserable.

I can’t say that I wasn’t overzealous and excited to finally go pick him up though.  It was a long month.   

Since this is somewhat relevant, I’ve gotten a lot of questions about how wedding planning is going.  Neither of us don’t have any ties to NJ, so we aren’t planning a wedding here.  This week when we go down to VA Beach, we have a couple of wedding venue appointments.  I am hoping to find the “perfect” venue and have that set in stone.  Then I can begin to start wedding talk and go look for a dress…and all the other things you do.

Past that, I haven’t done a lot.  We aren’t getting married anytime soon (sometime in the late Spring 2015) and are taking time to relax and enjoy the moment.  I ordered a wedding planner notebook that I’ll be sharing in a couple of days.  I’ve enjoyed their normal planners for college so I thought I would probably enjoy their wedding planners too.  Plus they offered to do a giveaway.  It’s a product I used throughout college and loved so hopefully you will too. 

I read a lot of wedding blogs and hear from friends that planned their wedding in a month.  I had respect for you before but I now have a new found respect.  I cannot even imagine planning a wedding in 4 months.

Questions for you:

What is one of your hobbies?

If you are married, how long were engaged for?

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29 thoughts on “Distance Stinks”

  1. Distance is so hard! My now-husband and I had our fair share of long-distance months (I lived in California, he in Georgia), and they started just a couple months after we started dating. I think it made our relationship stronger, but it was definitely rough at times. Our longest time apart was six months, but luckily he moved to CA a couple years ago. We were only engaged for six months, but we had been dating five years. Hang in there!

  2. Though we aren’t married yet, we chose to do it in a year and a half rather than 6 months. We knew we needed a summer wedding as teachers, but we took our time with it. Some times, I wish we would have just bit the bullet and got it done, but this way we haven’t had much stress which has been nice.

  3. I was engaged for 13 months, and I couldn’t imagine planning a wedding in only a couple of months! I found that most of the places I wanted were completely booked up for like 8 months in advance.

  4. i hear you on the long distance stuff. my boyfriend and I are both PAs and he is a PA for the navy. he got stationed in NC and i live in north jersey. we dont see each other frequently and when we do its for a weekend, couple of days- that sort of thing. and to top it off- he gets deployed to japan in august until beginning of march. its tough. i cant say that i havent had moments of doubt- bc I do all the time. but when we are with each other- we have a blast and it makes the wait worth it. the problem is we arent with each other more than we are.

    hobbies of mine: running, biking, yoga, cooking/baking, blogging, hanging with friends/family, dogs, etc.

  5. Running, Knitting, reading, walking, baking. All these things make me very happy!:)

  6. We were engaged for 21 months. Way too long in my opinion but oh well!
    I play golf and that’s one of my biggest hobbies. I played I’m college and I’m much better at golf than I am at running lol

  7. I used to have lots of craft type hobbies like scrapbooking and stamping until I had kids. All that took a backseat while I did my best to juggle it all. Now that I have included fitness, the craft table collects dust in the basement!
    I met my hubs on a blind date in May 2003. We got engaged that October. He carved “Will you marry me ?” in a pumpkin on Halloween. Of course I said yes 🙂 I love October so I planned the wedding the following October 2004. I thought a year engagement was perfect but then again we hadn’t known eachother very long, haha! (the funny thing is my daughter ended up being born on Halloweeen! It’s our lucky day!)

  8. We got engaged in March 2010 and got married in March 2011… so a year… almost a year to the date actually. But, Clay and I were a couple since August 2005 so we kinda knew it was coming :).

    I think it’s quite rude for anyone to tell you “You chose this life”. Come on! Were you not supposed to fall in love with Tim and Tim fall in love with you due to how he’s in the military and will be gone some? I mean some things in life are rational choices like choosing your major in college, choosing what neighborhood you purchase a home in… things like that you can make a pros and cons list and all but that’s not how it goes when you love someone. You just do.

    When Clay was working full time and going to school full time that’s when I coached youth track… kept me busy and of course it was a great way to be involved in the community and hopefully make a positive impact on some kids. Plus I got some exercise out of it too, and lots of friends. I love that you guys also have lives outside of each other, that’s always been something Clay and I are big on because you just need other adult friends and relationships for balance in your life :).

  9. I was engaged for 7 months. Those months were crazy and we had to make decisions quickly. We live in a city that is really popular with weddings so everything was pretty booked up, but once we booked the venue it all fell into place. Early on we talked about what was really important to us and what we wanted out of the day. In hindsight I’m glad we didn’t have a lot of time – there wasn’t any to get lost in those wedding details 🙂

    As far as hobbies running and cooking are the main ones right now. And blogging, I just started that. I grew up in a really artistic family but I don’t do anything creative anymore. There just never seems to be time…

  10. Long distance is so hard! But you sound like you have a good attitude about it!

    We were engaged 7 months and it was perfect for us because we already knew what we wanted. It was quick though! I definitely think a year is good so you can take your time and figure everything out as you go without being rushed!

  11. I’m a firm believer in you don’t choose who you love. People who have truly been in love with their best friend will understand that and others will not. I’ve been in both types of relationships and is pick having to deal with long distance over not being with that person to find somebody else who is always here each and every time.

  12. Distance is the bane of my existence, and if anyone ever told me that I “chose this life,” I’d probably knock them out. You don’t choose who you fall for… It’s not as simple as that. You fall for the person, not the circumstances… Those you do your best to deal with… and I do my best by drowning myself in work/studies, and occasionally coming out of my hole to hang out with friends 😆

  13. You know, our wedding was $1300 and we were so on the fence about it and basically thought “this will do.” But we got SO many compliments on our venue! And we kept things fairly cheap and a lot of people said our wedding was the best they had been to. I’ll post stuff soon about our wedding!

  14. Also, I agree that it is so important to have lives outside of each other. Husband and I definitely do and I think I’d go crazy without it. You should be able to say you miss Tim without having to justify it though! He’s gone! It’s hard!

  15. Wow. People can be so rude! I’ve personally never been in a long distance relationship (nor am I engaged/getting engaged any time soon haha), but that’s just an incredibly insensitive thing to say… whatever. Maybe they’re just jealous of your relationship :p

    hobbies — playing/performing music, going to concerts, learning languages, exploring restaurants and anything food-related. sorry I couldn’t keep it to just one!

  16. We were engaged for over a year, which seemed like a long time only because we had been together long enough, weren’t particularly young, and wanted to get pregnant soon. But it still took time for us to get married because we were busy with life, my now husband was on his law internship so him particularly didn’t have a free moment for anything besides work.
    Long distance is hard… it may not get easier, but the shorter you have left until you are back living in the same place, the easier it gets to deal wit being apart.

  17. Wait – they say ‘you chose this life?!?’ Yeah, pretty rude indeed and totally lacking empathy and sympathy! Ugh!

    We did nearly a year of long distance, and it was challenging – but at this point the way we handled the challenge laid a cornerstone of our relationship. Also, since we lived in Massachusetts but got married on Lake George in upstate NY (her family is from that area), we did plenty of ‘distance planning’ – which was different because there was no real internet at the time … or cell phones.

    My ‘alone hobbies’ – aside from running and blogging – are making music and playing video games. I don’t do much gaming anymore, but after just doing small scale iPad-centric stuff for a while, I have totally revamped my music studio and it is pretty cool and fun. I have been doing some new stuff, but really working through things I put together 20 years or more ago is just a blast.

    We were engaged for almost 1.5 years, and lived together for almost a year. Last month we had our 23 year ‘engage-aversary’ … so apparently it all worked out 🙂

  18. My hobbies, running, blogging, hanging out with friends. I was engaged to my hubby for a year, but we only started to plan our wedding about 4-5 months out from the wedding date.

  19. having your own hobbies is SO important! I’ve never done anything long distance but I can imagine that it would be tough for a couple who doesn’t have outside interests. Personally I’m a big fan of reading- any time Mike is gone, I go through SO many books. hah! I am glad to hear that Tim is finally back, yay!!! 🙂

  20. Woohoo for wedding planning! It will be nice to take your time and trying enjoy the experience. After all, it only happens once. 🙂 I’ve never done a long-distance relationship, but it makes a lot of sense to stay busy and spend time doing things you like. I’ll go through phases where I read a ton or watch reruns of a show.

  21. Wow, people ARE rude! I can’t believe they said that to you. I’m glad Tim is home now!

    We were engaged for a year and a half I believe. I looked at it as, we’re going to be spending our life together, why rush? We were together 4 years when we got engaged, so really, no rush at all.

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