I don’t normally post such in-depth personal struggles of my life. That isn’t to say I don’t have them by any means (because I have plenty), I am just a pretty quiet person in regards to that sort of thing. So know that I toyed around for quite some time whether I wanted to post this. I think a lot of people probably have similar situations (especially those who have just graduated college, going to graduate soon or are really uncertain about their lives…hey that’s me). It’s no secret that I don’t have the most exciting life right now, I’m a year out of college working a part time job (and hoping to pick up a second) living with my parents.
The other day, I had a very deep conversation with my parents about living in the future.
Right now I am struggling with living in the present day. Instead of thinking, oh today will be good…I think what’s going this weekend…this month…after the summer…next year. My head is looking so far into what if and hypothetical situations that who even knows will or will not happen. It seems so silly to type it out but honestly when you are not living in the present you can’t enjoy present moments. Worrying about things that may or may not happen has just continued to stress me out even more.
What if my great aunt Mildred came to visit in late October when I have to work and I just can’t get off work…what happens then?
What if my hours for working two jobs have to overlap and my bosses aren’t understanding that I’m working two jobs?
What if I never move out and live with my parents forever?
What if I move halfway across the country for a job? What if I just move half way across the country without a job?
What if I chose to go to college 700 miles north of my high school five years ago not knowing anyone and or anything and not worrying?
What happened to that? I don’t regret going so far to college but in my current mindset I don’t know if I would have made the same decision. I truly loved my choice in college but it was a huge risk. A huge change. In my current mindset of continuing to look past the present, I cannot tell you if I would have made the same decision that I made five years ago.
This summer my goal is to not worry about what happens after the summer. That seems really (well duh) but considering both my jobs right now are temporary, I still have them right now and in the present. I am still enjoying myself right now in the present. I am enjoying hanging out with my parents. Hanging out at local road races. Hanging out running. If you ask me point blank why I should be stressed at this current moment in my life…I don’t have any answer because I’m not stressed. If you asked me are my stress levels through the roof thinking about the future…well yes, yes they ar. If I continue to worry and not enjoy the moment, I continue to stress myself out.
Everything will work out and I’ve made that promise to myself.
Question for you: Do you tend to look towards the future?