Asking for Help

In college I didn’t ask for a lot of help.  I thought I could do everything myself and not have any issues.  I would rather go along my way doing something completely wrong then ask for someone for help.  Part of my social anxiety was the thought of people judging me and if I asked for help then I would be clueless.  This gave me a fair share of problems in college and made situations far more complicated than they ever needed to be.  That quiet and do it myself mentality followed me throughout college and throughout some of my time in Oswego.  It wasn’t that I was a “know it all” or a legend in my own mind…it was more that I was so fearful to ask for help and that I wanted to keep to myself.

Well that doesn’t work at all. 

It wasn’t until this summer that I truly learned you need to ask for help.  I started asking questions (possibly too many) to my bosses and coworkers.  I didn’t really care if I looked like the idiot anymore at least I wouldn’t have to second guess myself.   Despite not knowing what anyone thought of me (other then I ask far too many questions) I certainly increased my productivity since I wasn’t making mistakes.  So no longer was I afraid to ask for help at work but it also translated into real life situations too.  I started to branch out asking friends, family for help and advice about my move.  Even if it was advice and help I didn’t want to hear I wanted to hear all realms and all possibilities.  The more prepared I was the less nervous I would be.

This summer I learned this:

  You can’t do everything by yourself and the longer you wait the longer is stresses you out.  Think of your problem as a tiny snowball on top of a giant hill.  Once you decide you aren’t going to ask for help the snowball begins to roll down the mountain.  It continues to grow until you are so far lost that you you’ll have to ask for help eventually.  The help that you needed at the very beginning of the process.  That is something it took me several times of it actually happening to realize I needed. 

Letting so many problems fester until I truly needed help. 

Now that I have a small flashback story, I’ll tell you how it relates to me now.  First, I don’t have very many friends down in Texas right now.  I just moved and while the community is very helpful you don’t go from strangers to great friends in a week.  (most of the time).  I have been exercising all my options as far as job searching goes.   I’ve began reaching out to people on twitter with questions with everything from job searching to how to prepare fish.

In this time of job searching and soul searching, I’m taking time to better myself and realize that asking for help is okay.  It’s a part of life and no one can fault you for that.

Question for you: Is it hard for you to ask for help?


  1. Asking for help is so hard but good for you for reaching out! I hate doing it. Even after having kids, I still have a very hard time asking people for help. I feel like it is a sign of weakness which is totally ridiculous I know. I guess I am afraid of being judged.

  2. It is so hard to ask for help, especially in a professional setting. It is so necessary, though, to do it to avoid the stress of not getting the support. Great post as always 🙂

    1. Asking for help in college used to be the hardest thing for me. I alredy felt somewhat out of place in my upper division math classes and asking for help was even worse!

  3. I starting asking for help and not turning people down when they offered awhile ago! I felt bad before but not anymore! 🙂 No shame!

  4. Hey there! This comment doesn’t apply to asking for help, but I just read your New Jersey post. That’s actually where I’m from and where my family lives. I’m actually doing the Trenton Half in early November ( and I’m applying to jobs out there…. looking to relocate back to the area. If you ever have any questions feel free to call or text. Not sure if you still have my number. Hang in there! Once you get settled you’ll feel so much better 🙂

  5. I can relate to this so much! I’ve never been one who enjoys asking for help (I think it makes me feel like I’m losing control or something), but I’m learning that it has to be done.

  6. I’m the same. I was scared to ask for help but like you said, I would rather look like an idiot asking than second guessing myself. and usually, it seems like other people were wondering the same thing I ask anyway.

    PS – this might be sorta weird, but I “nominated” you or whatever for the Versatile Blogger Award. Not sure about the whole blogger award thing, but it was fun and I thought I’d share it. 😀

  7. Ah! I can definitely relate. I think you actually inspired my next blog post. It’s extremely difficult for me to ask for help. I don’t know if it’s because I’m too hard on myself or maybe I just don’t want to ‘bug” someone by asking them a million questions. But your right, keeping questions to myself doesn’t help anything and while reading this I started to think…and you know what? Where did the people we’re asking the questions to get their answers? Maybe from personal experience, or maybe they had to ask someone the answer too. And then I thought about how I feel when someone asks me for advice…it’s always flattering to me and I never mind answering their questions the best way I know how. I can only hope other people feel the same way when I ask them questions….which makes me feel better. And you’re right, the more prepared you are, the less nervous you are-that’s exactly the way I am.

    So that being said…I’m going to go out on a limb and ask you a question! What do you do when you feel unmotivated or discouraged in your running or training? I feel as though I’m in a bit of a running rut. I have a half marathon in a month, so not running isn’t really an option and it makes me mad/kind of embarrasses me that I feel this way, because I’ve always loved running so much, so I’m not sure if I’m nervous or what. It’d be nice to get ideas of things to do from another runner. Also, I’m sorry for this super long, most likely all over the place comment…!

  8. Even though I can be pretty stubborn, I learned the importance of asking questions in college. Actually, I’d ask questions all the time during sports practices, but never in an academic setting. Now, though, I never think twice about asking. Like you wrote, it makes you much more productive, and besides, I’d rather do something right the first time then have to redo it.

  9. I used to have the hardest time asking for help, especially in college. Everyone in my mathematics major – which I’m sure you understand – never had to ask questions because a majority of them were pretty close to genius GPA. I always felt like I couldn’t ask questions during class because I was the only one confused.. It wasn’t until I saw my grades dropping I decided to ask questions and everyone else could just shove it. The embarrassing feeling definitely went away when I realized my own priorities were more important. It takes a lot to ask questions for me, but I’m trying to realize it will be much worse if I don’t do it right away. <3

  10. Sometimes I am really good at asking for help and others I am way too stubborn. You will find your way through all of this- that much I know. You are a strong smart person- and I am always here!

  11. This is only day 2 of reading your blog but I’m already a fan. I love that you wrote this post and can certainly relate. I am not good at asking for help. I like to know that I can do it on my own. But since graduating and entering the “real world” I can’t do it all on my own. Slowly but surely I’m realizing it’s okay (and necessary) to lean on others.

    1. Awe thanks for stopping by and I’m really glad you enjoyed it. It’s hard after entering the real world to realize that there is so much going on! I was not as prepared as I even dreamed when entering the real world!

  12. I have come to learn to ask for help as I get older. But, part of me holding back previously is because I like to be in control. I’ve learned to loosen up because you can’t be in control all of the time. Ask away! You have a very supportive social media community behind you. 🙂

  13. I used to never ask anyone for help when I was younger but that’s changed a lot- especially after being in the working world. Better to ask a million questions about something at your job than mess it up and have things backfire…I’ve been there.
    I especially find myself asking for help/advice lately because I’m trying to figure out next steps regarding my career path. I think I’m just so overwhelmed with my own thoughts that I need some outside advice.

  14. I struggle with the same thing at work. I hate to ask for help because I don’t want to seem inferior…but in reality, my boss had to ask for help to get somewhere too ya know? Sometimes we ladies have to let the wall down. I’m realizing that too!

  15. I’m not a big fan of asking for help either. I’m better at it when it comes to things that are work/school related, but if it’s something personal? Not so much. I kind of hate it, but I’m just one of those people that isn’t convinced until she learns from her own mistakes.

  16. That’s one of the great things about family and friends! Being able to ask for help, and then having them jump into action to do so! It’s definitely a good thing to ask for help, I definitely do.

  17. I hate asking for help. Like, really hate it. I’ve gotten better with it overtime and I think it’s something that is necessary as we go on in life. I, like you, feel awkward and like I’m being judged when I ask something that someone else might think is obvious. In reality, people usually love being asked questions because they feel useful!

  18. I defiantly have trouble asking for help. But I am trying to get better, especially buying a house. there are just some things I have NO idea what to do. Luckily, my family is always willing to help

  19. I think I learned pretty quickly with nursing that I can’t be scared to ask for help. It’s dangerous not to, a lot of times. So I’m fine with that. I definitely ask certain people though and will skip right over people. But if it comes to more important stuff not at work, I have a harder time. I like to do things myself usually.

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