This is an extremely personal post.  I’ve always used my blog to continue my honesty with not only my readers but myself as well.

I’ve been dealing with a lot of stress lately.  Stress within myself.  Stress because Tim is leaving very soon.  Stress with running.  Work doesn’t stress me out thank goodness and blogging is an outlet for me to reflect and remove some of my stress.  Saying I’m edgy would be putting it nicely.

I don’t deal with stress well.  I try to keep myself out of a position that would result in a high stress environment.  Some people deal well with intense and fast paced lifestyles, I’m not one of them.  Being introverted and also having social anxiety, I don’t think it’s fairly suprising.

When I get stressed I tend to get sick.  I don’t know why or even if they are related but I get sick.   I know in my personal life that when I do start to feel these symptoms, it’s time to step back.  It’s time to take a step and back and evaluate my lifestyle choices and what is contributing to them.

So I guess my point is it’s important for me to take a step back and evauluate why I’m so stressed.

I know partially it’s because Tim is leaving for a deployment soon.  I’ve been able to deal with him being gone for a couple of weeks here and there but this is much longer.  It’s even harder because he has had a couple of trips and important tasks to do which has led to him not being home very much beforehand.  I won’t say it’s easy and I won’t say I haven’t cried several times but it’ a reality of our lives.  A reality that we must (and are) working through.  We are incredibly happy together and I wouldn’t trade my life for anyone elses.

Another stressor is beginning to run again.  While I committed to running Wineglass in 8 weeks, I can pull that plug anytime.  Nothing is stopping me from doing so.  My ultimate goal is to run a healthy race.

While I want to complete Wineglass and would love to PR, I also want to regain my confidence in running.  I have all the intentions to run Wineglass but my goals as a runner and a person have changed.

Just typing my emotions, feelings and thoughts out loud I’ve come to the conclusion that I’ve lost my confidence and it’s stressing me out.  A lot of people (myself included) take confidence for granted.  To do and want something, you have to believe you will.


To want success, you have to believe you will have it.

To achieve your dreams, you must believe you can.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy and truly love my life.  This is one of the first times I’ve been able to say that from the bottom of my heart.  My friends, my family, my support system…everyone is truly great.  However, my confidence is low and that is something that must come from within.  It’s the reason I posted twice today or that I turned off the comments.  I have always blogged for myself and to get my emotions and thoughts out.

Somewhere in the last few months I let life take control of me.  I did not take control of my life.  When I think and come to terms with that I realize that I am capable of whatever I want.  I just need to believe I am.



Self Doubt

My thoughts for Shamrock have drastically changed since the beginning of the year.  Until reflecting upon my performance at the Lake Effect half, I was gunning for a PR at Shamrock.

I was ready.

Yet realizing that there are only 3 weeks in between the races I don’t know if my body could recover quick enough.  It took me just over a week to recover for training.  After about a week I was able to hold similar paces with the same effort.  In order to improve, you must either train a little bit harder or have a better day.  I’m honestly not sure if I could have a better day than Lake Effect right now.  The course for Lake Effect was perfect, flat and fast, nice weather conditions and I was pretty pumped.  There was a slight wind but nothing to make me say OMG this wind is horrendous.


After thinking more realistically, I began to realize that my body might not be ready for a PR yet.   I think I need more time under my training belt.

Although thinking back, my fastest 3 half marathons (the Nike Women’s half 1:24.49, The Shamrock half 1:25.15 and the Lake Effect half 1:25.32) were all surprises to me.  I was never expecting to PR in any.  I have found my best races have always come when I have less expectations.  This leads me to the main point of the post.

I am a big self doubting runner.  I find myself wondering what I truly am capable of.  I wonder if my training has prepared me.  My mind is always questioning whether I am ready for a race or not. 

Is it because I’m not always confident in my abilities as a runner?  Maybe.

I have always lacked confidence as a runner.  There are very few races that I am 100% confident I am going to PR in.  Leading up to a bigger race, I never know what my body is truly capable of.  I wonder have I done enough training?  Have I done correct training?  I seem to always question myself and wonder how the race will go.  I think as runners or who humans we can all relate to questioning yourself at some point (whether workout related or not).

I try and remind myself of things that I’ve done and can’t do now.

I remind myself of the training runs I’ve done when I haven’t wanted too.

I remind myself of the previous races I have excelled at in this training cycle.

I remind myself that second guessing my abilities will not get me anywhere.

I remind myself that running more miles or harder miles are not going to positively affect the race. 

I guess my biggest motivation is this.  I remind myself that after a good or bad race, I am still the same person.  My life will go on and my family and friends will still love and care for me all the same.  I remind myself that running does not hold all the marbles in my life.

As I head back to Virginia today I have time to reflect on training and get ready for an exciting race.  Maybe it will be a PR, maybe not…If not I will regroup and continue training.  My life (or yours) is not built on a single moment.  You have many more moments and we have many more races.

Questions for you:

What do you do to build confidence? 

What is your next goal race?

While Shamrock is a big deal for me I also have two more half marathons in the Spring.