Strangely at Peace
I am oddly at peace with my injury. I don’t know how to explain it but I’m not devastated. It’s a strange feeling honestly because I’ve never sat with such a serious injury and been in a good place in my life. That being said I’m doing everything I can to recover. I want to recovery quickly, appropriately and in a healthy manor. If everything heals appropriately, I may be able to return to running next month. When I do return to running I’m not going to rush anything nor am I going to stress about returning. I’m not going to immediately sign up for multiple races and demand a comeback for the crappy running I had for 6 months. Using that method, I’ll just be demanding my return to being injured.
When I first got injured in June, I was devastated. I was upset that I was having some sort of arch pain. While it wasn’t as serious of an injury I was more upset than I am now. After I recovered in mid July, I still wasn’t confident in my training. It almost felt as if I was going through the motions and while nothing felt bad…nothing felt extremely good either. I haven’t had a race I can say I’m happy with since April. Broad Street in May wasn’t bad but it was the last race I can say I was happy with the result. In running, we cycle through good months and bad months, even good years and bad years. It’s the name of the game.
Two weeks ago when I woke up and seemed to be in a lot of pain, I was fairly confident of what that pain was. It felt bone related, despite having completely injury free runs. So when the doctor told me”you have a minor stress fracture”, I wasn’t surprised. I was upset but not devastated.
I know that this injury will pass. When a bone breaks, it heals. It takes 1-2 months depending on the break, but for a small bone break or fracture, it does heal. It means waiting the appropriate amount of time and knowing that your running is lifelong not dependent on a single day, week, month or year. I haven’t always had this attitude but it has come with getting older and running more.
A lot of people have noted that they are surprised I am not more upset with everything going on in my life and I honestly cannot tell you why I’m not. I truly do believe it has to do with a lot of friends and family reaching out to me. Keeping busy and keeping focused on other aspects of life (family, friends, other hobbies) keeps me occupied and not focused on wishing I was more healed. I don’t sit there and dwell on the fact I’m injured, I look forward to the point I’m not. I haven’t found myself whining on the internet feeling hopeless and asking for pity for others because quite frankly I don’t feel pity for myself. I used to feel like I needed sympathy from others when I was injured but then I realized having other hobbies, interests and activities to do keeps me more happy than the sorrys, and awe’s I would get by complaining on the internet (or outside of the internet).
Do I wish I didn’t have a stress fracture? Of course.
Is it the end of the world? No, there are much more serious issues.
I cannot really explain why I’m at peace with this injury. I honestly think it’s because I had had such a crappy training cycle that it seemed like taking even more time off from running was truly what I need. While I wasn’t running with any injuries, I wasn’t running happy. I was running with a mental injury, I suppose. Hindsight is always 20/20 though.
Looking back there isn’t much I really would change about my training. Maybe one day I’ll be able to pinpoint what caused my injury but I never felt that break or pain. I never felt an injury coming on so I don’t know what I would change.
Questions for you:
Have you ever been surprisingly at peace during major life changes?
Do you have a story about a friend being there for you? Do share.