This is an extremely personal post. I’ve always used my blog to continue my honesty with not only my readers but myself as well.
I’ve been dealing with a lot of stress lately. Stress within myself. Stress because Tim is leaving very soon. Stress with running. Work doesn’t stress me out thank goodness and blogging is an outlet for me to reflect and remove some of my stress. Saying I’m edgy would be putting it nicely.
I don’t deal with stress well. I try to keep myself out of a position that would result in a high stress environment. Some people deal well with intense and fast paced lifestyles, I’m not one of them. Being introverted and also having social anxiety, I don’t think it’s fairly suprising.
When I get stressed I tend to get sick. I don’t know why or even if they are related but I get sick. I know in my personal life that when I do start to feel these symptoms, it’s time to step back. It’s time to take a step and back and evaluate my lifestyle choices and what is contributing to them.
So I guess my point is it’s important for me to take a step back and evauluate why I’m so stressed.
I know partially it’s because Tim is leaving for a deployment soon. I’ve been able to deal with him being gone for a couple of weeks here and there but this is much longer. It’s even harder because he has had a couple of trips and important tasks to do which has led to him not being home very much beforehand. I won’t say it’s easy and I won’t say I haven’t cried several times but it’ a reality of our lives. A reality that we must (and are) working through. We are incredibly happy together and I wouldn’t trade my life for anyone elses.
Another stressor is beginning to run again. While I committed to running Wineglass in 8 weeks, I can pull that plug anytime. Nothing is stopping me from doing so. My ultimate goal is to run a healthy race.
While I want to complete Wineglass and would love to PR, I also want to regain my confidence in running. I have all the intentions to run Wineglass but my goals as a runner and a person have changed.
Just typing my emotions, feelings and thoughts out loud I’ve come to the conclusion that I’ve lost my confidence and it’s stressing me out. A lot of people (myself included) take confidence for granted. To do and want something, you have to believe you will.
To want success, you have to believe you will have it.
To achieve your dreams, you must believe you can.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy and truly love my life. This is one of the first times I’ve been able to say that from the bottom of my heart. My friends, my family, my support system…everyone is truly great. However, my confidence is low and that is something that must come from within. It’s the reason I posted twice today or that I turned off the comments. I have always blogged for myself and to get my emotions and thoughts out.
Somewhere in the last few months I let life take control of me. I did not take control of my life. When I think and come to terms with that I realize that I am capable of whatever I want. I just need to believe I am.