Life is Full of Lessons

When Tim and I moved in together, I thought our relationship would get easier.  I thought because we were living together it would be easier.  After being in a long distance relationship for over a year, I thought moving in together would be a lot easier than a distance relationship.  With any relationship, there are good times and bad times but I figured there would be a lot more good times.

While it is easier than long distance, it isn’t easy.  Anyone living with a significant other can tell you that.  Anyone living with a roommate can tell you that. 

When I moved to Texas, I wasn’t working.  Not only that but I didn’t have any friends down in Texas (except for Stephanie) and I didn’t have a lot to do with my day.  Running only takes up so much of your time.  Before I found out we were moving, I would apply for jobs but I still had lots of extra time.

Fast foward to the first few months of living in New Jersey.  Once again running only takes up so much time and while I did have a few more friends to hang out with, it didn’t take up all my time while Tim worked.  I could now finally start applying for jobs.  (It makes it a lot easier to apply for jobs when you know you’ll stay in an area for longer than a month…).  Long story short, even with all of those things I still found myself with a good amount of free time.

For a few months I applied for jobs, waited in limbo land and did my own thing.  Tim and I still had plenty of time together because once he got home (most nights) we could eat dinner and hang out.

In March I started working at a local running store.  To say that I enjoy my job is an understatement.  I’m happy to chat running with anyone that will listen and help runners of all ages.  It’s a lot of fun.  (It’s different from anything I’ve ever done but it is a lot of fun).

For the last few months as I ease into my job, I find myself working a lot of later hours and weekends.  Unlike a desk job, retail is open later and on weekends.  It’s fine by me as I can pack a lunch and dinner and be set for the day.  However, working Thursday-Sunday 10-7 is new found large dent in Tim and I’s relationship time.

When I’m off work, he is at work.  When he is off work (Saturday and Sunday), I am at work all day.  Having opposite schedules has been hard.  We have however, found a balance in managing our lives and relationships.  We both need personal time, we both need relationship time and we both love our jobs.

I think with anything life is learning process.  You never really know what you are getting into (with a job, moving in with a significant other, graduating college, high school…moving…whatever).  You might have an idea but you never fully know until you physically do something.  I enjoy reflecting on changes (both big and small) in my life and this is has been one of the best.  Sure there have plenty of adjustments, but there was when I went to high school, college and worked in Oswego.

Quite honestly I’m very happy with the direction my life is going.  Life is full of lessons to experience along the way and I’m just blogging them.

Questions for you:

How do you balance your life?

Do you live with someone? 


25 responses

  1. Trying to find balance and living with people pretty much consume my life! I’m married and have 3 kids who are 3 5 and 7 and it’s actually gotten easier in the past couple of years. Living with people takes practice and you WILL have problems and piss each other off and have to figure out how to prioritize time. And you’ll have to do it over and over all the time even after you think you’ve just found something that works!

    Yes, life is full of lessons and tons of mistakes!

  2. great post Hollie! I can totally relate. Both Jonah and I work odd hours – him working at a hotel and me working at the running store. I think it makes us really appreciate the time we have together more and helps us grow as individuals.

    That being said, there are still days where I’m just like “this sucks”.

    There are definitely good days and bad days in all relationships.

  3. After four years of long distance, and three of livingin the same place, I think long distance is easier in a few ways. We definitely prioritized talking and time together more when we lived farther apart- I like to joke that we talked more then than we do now.:)

  4. Living with my fiance was one of the best and most challenging things ever. You have to get used to so many new things that you just never thought you’d have to think about. Your decision to do laundry a certain way– might really make your partner mad. I had never thought about that. Having to explain WHY you did something. Also something I never really thought about.

    I have really loved trying to find the balance over the past year. I’ve realized I need more “Lex” time than my fiance needs “B” time. Which usually I get by going to bed at 10 pm– where I sit and decompress and catch up on life (facebook and instagram) and be able to watch whatever I want or just do what I want to do. Also getting out and away from my fiance has been a nice change as well. I realized we really do spend a LOT of time together– so being able to go to the gym and meet new friends there has helped a TON.

  5. You know I’ve been there. It definitely is no fun dealing with opposing schedules. The important thing to remember is it wont always be like this. We like to say “the hotter the fire, the stronger the steel.” You’ll deal with this annoying time period and when things get better you’ll appreciate that time together even more. I’m guessing as you work longer, you’ll be able to choose your schedule here and there?!

  6. Very, very true – Lisa and I have now lived together for 23 years, married for 22. After a year of long-distance when she went back to Albany Med …

    When we were first together she worked in the hospital and had all of the usual weekend and holiday rotations … then in a reference lab where she had normal hours … then she stayed at home with the kids … then some part time subbing at schools and working at the middle school in Mass. Out here in NY she landed a job teaching supplemental science in schools which lasted a couple of years until the school funds dried up and they cut half the staff … and she found her medical lab certification was lacking due to rule changes in NY State (where she got the ‘lifetime’ cert in the first place) … so she is working retail management. And as you say – retail comes with nights and weekends and crazy-weird hours.

    For me – I’ve always had more-or-less 8-5 engineering jobs, with occasional travel and long hours. Last year I had WAY too much travel (as I say, more in one year than my entire 25 year professional career combined!) for work, which was a pain.

    But you know how we make it work … ? Rather than lamenting about what we DON’T have … we make the most of what we DO. The last two weekends she has been off, and as you’ve seen on my blog we have had a blast. 🙂

    It is never easy … but it is a part of life that is important to learn to deal with as a couple,

  7. I have lived with my boyfriend for over 5 years now. I work regular weekday hours and he works retail like you, so he works a lot of nights and most weekends. Sometimes we only see each other for a half hour at night before I crash into bed at 10. I’m not needy, so it works for us, but we really need to schedule date nights or something. We have a 2 yr old which makes it even harder to get time alone and sometimes you can feel disconnected after a week of not seeing each other.
    Definitely schedule some fun nights for the two of you when you are together

    • Wow I cannot even imagine finding the balance with a child too. Props to you and I’m glad you stopped by Scarlett!

  8. I’m still working on finding balance in my life. Everything is so jumbled but I’m glad my summer semester is over so I can just focus on myself for a while before I attempt to balance all of this with school 😦 how did you balance school with being on the swim and cross country team?

    • It was a different setting honestly. It’s hard for me to believe that was over 3 years ago. It really meant being organized and having everything down to a set schedule. 🙂

  9. Balancing life is hard working retail. My last retail job was working in a bike store in 2006/2007, and the big days really are Saturday/Sundays when everyone else are doing social things. With all the things you’ve done, you seem like a master of balance anyway, and at least you’re really enjoying your job 🙂

  10. I feel like everyday I’m learning a new lesson and that life still have so many directions I can take. I am kinda nervous about living with J once he’s back from deployment only cause we will have gone from not being together for 10 months to sharing a living space. But like you said, you strike a balance and make it work 🙂

  11. I live with my husband and also work in a retail setting, whereas he has a more normal schedule. I’ve just begun a new job (both this and my old job were in retail settings) so I’m not sure how those hours will be, but in the past our schedules usually meant me getting home late(er) and working weekends like you while he had more standard hours. In some ways, I think it might make living with someone easier, though we’ve lived together for over seven years now. Like you say, you get to have some time to yourself that way and you also cherish the time you have together a little more, I think. If you ask me, the hardest part is deciding who is going to get dinner on the table when it’s never the same person home first or you both get home late!! You WILL get used to it though… and then like someone said above, it will all change again 🙂

    • Awe I really appreciate your kind words and of it always nice to hear people working out together. Congrats on the new job 🙂

  12. I can relate with the schedule issue. When Clay and I moved in together and got married, he was working nights and going to school in the mornings. I was working a regular office job shift. So, when I got home, he was asleep. I only got to see him for maybe 30 minutes a day and that’s when he was getting ready to go to his night job and I was getting ready to go to bed! It definitely makes you cherish the time you get together, though. Usually we did have weekends for that, thankfully… but it was weird when he got a dayshift job and we moved here, we were finally able to sleep together in the same bed, at the same time!

      • The worst thing was that when I did see him, it was when I had to wake him up to go to a job he hated and was just working to get through school and get his Computer Science degree! He was pretty miserable working there, but at least we’re not in that place anymore!

  13. You work Saturdays and Sundays? Our floorstaff only work one weekend day so everyone stays sane. 😉 But those retail hours are tough, and closing is the worst (luckily it’s my one floor shift and only lasts three hours), especially with my grandma bedtime.

  14. I have really just learned that life will never end up how it seems. I always expect that things will be a certain way in the future and it never is, so I’ve just stopped expecting it. I know that life will never slow down and mine and Jon’s schedules will never match up perfectly. Living together definitely does not necessarily make things easier, it just makes them different. I mostly love living with Jon, but even our last year together was mostly spent sitting in the same house, in total silence, while both of us did homework. But at least we were home to go to sleep together!

  15. Ahh the joys of retail and the inconsistencies it provides with it.

    I think that, subconsciously (or consciously), it is doing you both favours because it is a completely new experience to both of you- you’re busy, he’s busy, but when you’re both together- it’s cherished.

  16. I’ve been at this whole relationship/marriage thing a long time now and if there’s one thing ive earned, it’s that nothing stays constant for long. Between jobs, hobbies, travel and kids, our scenario has changed a million times over. But like you, we always find a way to make it work. When something gets a bit out of balance, take stock and shift things around is how I approach it!

  17. I really enjoy living with Mike, but that doesn’t mean that the stresses of his schedule (especially right now) don’t get to us…it’s a tough time right now. Living close to family thankfully helps, but I know that may change someday too. Just knowing that whatever the problem is will pass is the thing that helps me the most.

  18. Great post. The same thing happened with me after ending long distance and moving in together. I thought it would be easier but a relationship is always challenging — especially change!

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