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Life Update

Every time I type this post, I don’t know where to begin.  Maybe it’s because I’m letting you into a personal aspect of my life or maybe it’s because I don’t know how to say “I’m struggling and life is not easy”.  I’m basically going to write out my current emotions and feelings and hopefully they flow well enough together.  Maybe this post will stay in drafts forever, who knows?  (Edit to add: I have 37 posts still in drafts that never “made it”).

This month Tim is traveling.  When we did long distance for a year I can truly say it wasn’t as difficult.  This could be because I was “used” to distance or the fact that I didn’t live with him like I do now.  I don’t know but quite honestly I didn’t sit around crying every day because my (then) boyfriend lived 2000 miles away.

Now he’s been gone for a week and I’m already finding if more difficult then 2012.  I am still not sitting around crying but it is now much more difficult.  I have gotten used to living with him.  I have created a comfort zone in NJ the last 7 months.

I have realized I have a lot of great friends in NJ (from Oiselle teammates to coworkers to friends) that have been so kind to me.  I’ve gone out to lunch on off days, I’ve gone for runs and they have been there to chat.  I also have family and friends outside of the state that have always been there for me when I need them.  It is truly great.

The fact is that it is still hard.  When your significant other travels a lot for work (whether it’s military or not) you need a good backbone to keep you busy.  I’m not saying this to whine or complain I am saying this to just point out the facts.

If I didn’t have a job and other things to keep me busy I would be pretty miserable.  In fact even if Tim was here and I didn’t have a job and things to keep me busy I would be pretty miserable.

I am slowly creating and defining myself in New Jersey.  I’m filling my schedule and day with work, with hanging out with friends or with keeping myself busy.  I’m not sitting at home waiting and being bored and lonely because the hours I’m home are harder.

I want to finish this post by saying I’m not being whiney and I’m not complaining.  I have a lot of time to reflect on my life and realize I am truly happy with where I have gone this last year. Though it’s been an adventure I have enjoyed the ride and the friends I have made and people I’ve connected with.

Questions for you:

Have you ever done a long distance relationship?

Do you travel frequently? 

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50 responses

  1. I never did the long distance relationship thing but I completely understand. I have been trying to fill my off weekends with activities so I am not sitting at home getting depressed. Like you, I have a pretty good support system which makes it a lot easier.

  2. Travis and I had to do long distance every summer in college and then when I was in grad school. It’s hard, but SO worth it. So happy you have people to occupy you…and you can wedding plan, right?! Did you set a date?

  3. First impression: it’s a good sign you feel that way. Second: how you write about this is like a personal letter to a friend (never lose that!) Third: you face something our grandparents experienced during wars, or economic dislocations. Fourth: Absence makes the heart grow fonder to bring back the other from way out yonder, and as a compass to the other heart, love being Polaris. Fifth: Fifth is up to you, as well as sixth and seventh, and the eighth day, well that is Divine providence who can see?

  4. Ahhhh…the creating and defining of oneself never ends. That’s what makes life interesting and keeps us moving ever forward! From here, it looks like you are doing great!

    I am married to my long distance relationship. 🙂 How we met is a longer story, but my lovely bride and I were long distance between Denver and Seattle for quite some time before I proposed and she came to Denver. I travel sporadically, but when I do it is usually for several days at a time. This year, though, trips without my family will just be pretty short ones within Colorado.

  5. I’ve been in a long distance (a few hour drive) relationship for close to 2 years, with no end in sight. I FEEL YOU!!!!! So hard.

  6. I am right there with you Hollie. I have been doing long distance for 2 years, and it SUCKS! I am thankfully in the last month of our time apart, and I cannot wait, but it has been so hard. Takes so much work, and although you cherish the time you do have, it makes it SO MUCH HARDER when you leave as you get used to being together again. You will make it through this, and it allows you time to do what you wanna do. Thats the way I try to look at it 🙂

  7. Amen girl. Joe is heading to hershey this weekend, and I’m not looking forward to it at all. Even though I’m still here in the burgh, I know this is going to be harder than when we did long distance because we’ve had over a year together now in person. We have our routines and just got used to being together a lot. We’ll see each other more often than we did when he was in the army, but yeah, the next 28 weeks are going to suck. On a happier note, however, I’m coming to NJ the weekend of june 6, so maybe we can meet up for a run?

  8. I understand what you’re feeling. My BF had to go do training for months at a time before and it was so incredibly hard. Sure there are phone calls but that’s just not the same. He’s such a big part of my life that when he leaves, I actually have next to nothing to do (other than running) especially when he also fills the role as “best friend”

  9. Hollie!

    Thank you for writing this post and sharing with us. In a recent post you said something like ” I don’t know what my blog is about anymore..” I felt like you were putting yourself down a bit in the past couple of posts and I had this fear you might tell us that you were going to stop blogging! Which made me VERY sad to think about 😦 So I’m glad that isn’t the case! But I’m not glad that you are feeling a bit down.

    I’m so sorry your heart is lonely. I don’t have a relationship parallel but my freshman year of college I was SO lonely. I did not socialize and turned into a hermit. I missed my high school friends and my family SO much. It was actually HARDER to go home and then go back to school so I stopped going home for the breaks. It was just easier that way. I think this is similar to you saying how it was easier when you were living apart for a year rather than just a month. Because you were used to being on your own and you didn’t get how wonderful it was to have Tim around. So I think I’ve had a similar experience. We humans are very adaptable and after the initial struggle, you will end up being exactly where you need to be and living out the situation happily. It’s just an “adjustment’ and once you adapt your heart will feel good again:)

  10. My husband and I did long-distance a lot for the first 4 years of our relationship. We went to the same college so during the school year we would be together all the time but then Christmas or summer break would roll around and it would be 1-4 months of being on opposite sides of the country (he’s from California and I’m from Boston). The hardest part was when I studied abroad in Italy so we were away from each other for 8 months!

    Those times were really rough and it took a lot of work to keep our relationship together but one thing I can say, and I hope this can be an encouragement to you, is that those hard times make those times that you are finally together even more special! Absence really does make the heart grow fonder!

  11. Last year, for 3 months, my husband stayed with his mother 5 out of 7 nights a week. This meant I saw him about 10 hours a week when we were both awake. It was incredibly hard to get used to him not being there. After the 3 months, he was back home. It was weird because then I had to get used to him being there again.

  12. Thank you for sharing this Hollie. I always love how honest you are. It hasn’t been to hard for Jimmy and I to live an hour away from each other because we’re used to it (like you and Tim), but I know it will be a different story once we live together and one of us is away for a while. Hang in there <333

  13. I’m a fan of these more personal posts 🙂 I’m currently in a long distance relationship myself, and while it’s definitely not the easiest thing, it honestly isn’t that hard because — like you said — it’s what I’m used to. I can only imagine how much more difficult it would be to have been with someone and then have to be apart from them again because it screws with our stability and has us constantly having to change our routines. But at least you have plenty to keep you busy 🙂 I’ve always found that to be a pretty good solution for most things.

  14. I can totally relate, although I am the one who is always traveling. Even when I am traveling and going to do something fun, it is still hard to be away from AJ. I live with him for a reason – because I like being around him! We did kind of long distance for the first 9 months we were together, and it was not such a big deal when I would go on trips or do things. It is much harder now. As excited as I am about moving out to Oklahoma for the summer, I know how much I will miss him, and I feel guilty for leaving. I am sure Tim feels the same way! I’m glad you have ways to keep yourself busy and that you’re making a life in NJ that is your own. Hugs from SC!

  15. Me and my now-fiance got together at uni so when uni finished for the final year and we headed back to our parents…(four hours apart!) things were tough. We saw each other probably every three/four weeks, but he didn’t drive at the time and I found driving eight hours over the weekend very stressful and tiring. I know I didn’t have it half as bad as some do and I appreciate that we are able to live together now. Although I wouldn’t change anything looking back, it was incredibly hard then. I always made plans with friends during the week and we had a ‘call time’ each day, even if it was only for a few minutes, but it was nice to look forward to.

  16. *hugs* When Clay and I got married, he was in college full time and working full time. I filled my days with work, running, and coaching youth track and field. Coaching and working with kids gave me something to do when he was busy and was something I enjoyed too. Then, Clay graduated with his second degree, we moved to Charleston, and I started working from home. Before, I’d go all week and only see him for maybe 20-30 minutes a day, and now… I’m always anxious for him to get home because I’m so used to him. My dad also travelled a lot for work growing up, and my mom dealt with it. It was our life, but that didn’t necessarily make it easier when he was away. Our “normal” changes… you just deal with it and adapt- and it sounds like you’ve done a good job of this. I think staying busy helps and having others, a support system of friends, coworkers, family that’s nearby if you got it, etc. It doesn’t make Tim being away “easier”, but maybe it will make it easier to cope with…

  17. Drew and I were long distance for a solid year and half (and between summers in college) but like you said the other times, I was pretty busy and could distract myself. Now if he leaves for the weekend it feel far more terrible, so I can only imagine how it is now for you. It sucks. Saying bye sucks… I’m glad you have NJ Oiselle connections to help you through the time! 🙂

  18. I love that you’re able to share so much of yourself on your blog. It’s refreshing 🙂
    While this isn’t quite the same…it’s similar. Ish. When my husband and I separated I went from living with someone for seven years to living on my own. It. Was. Hard. It took me a long time to fill my days with things I liked and friends, because most everything I liked we did together. It was a difficult adjustment, but now I’ve realized that being okay on my own is important.

  19. I think you wrote things very well. It did not come off as whiney at all. You grow to love and depend on one another for a variety of life’s tasks, so when that’s gone it’s definitely missed. Missing your partner is normal and you are doing a great job keeping yourself busy. Great post, thank you very much for sharing.

  20. I’m sorry Hollie! I had to do the same thing when my now hubby, got deployed overseas for 18 months, after living together. It sucks so bad. If you ever need a pick me up trip, you can come to Pgh and hang out!

  21. I think it is sweet that you feel that way. I have never done the long distance thing….in fact I really did not even do all that much dating (yes some, but not much) before I met and married my husband. We started dating when I was 18 and we were married by the time i was 20 and we have been married for 14 years…gosh, I am old! I have a friend whose husband has been deployed for a year and she has young kids..I think God gives her special grace to handle it, like I am sure he will give you!…but it must be so hard. My husband does on occasions work long hours and take trips though…which is no where near the same.
    Keeping busy is good and I am so glad you have a great support system!

  22. My boyfriend and I did long distance for a year before I got a job in Chicago. Then we both moved to Michigan the next year and have lived together ever since. He has to travel once a month for work and is gone for a week or two each month. It’s gotten easier because I stay busy and I started getting used to it but some weeks are harder than others. I understand what you’re going through and it’s okay to feel down about the situation every once in a while. It’s good that you’re keeping busy though 🙂 Hopefully Tim comes home soon!

  23. That sounds really tough. My husband and I don’t travel for work but I remember once we started living together it became much harder to be apart. We had done long distance for our first year of dating. I think now that we are so used to being together it would be really challenging to be apart. I’m sorry that you have to go through this, but if it makes you feel any better your feelings are 100% justified!

  24. I feel you. SO much. My boyfriend (we’ve been together for over 6 years) is in the Middle East for work and I’ve been going through the same thing. He went through grad school and finally got a job, after looking for 6 months and I couldn’t be happier for him being there, but it can be really hard. He’ll be back in a few weeks, but I know that the nature of his job will mean he’ll be gone again. My biggest goal when he’s gone is doing things that make me happy whether it’s spending time with friends or by myself, I’m embracing the time apart to grow who I am. That way, when he’s back, I can focus on us. Good luck with your time apart! It never gets easier, but it always makes you stronger 🙂

  25. Never done the long distance relationship, but both my boyfriend and I travel for work. I also travel pretty frequently for fun, but that’s usually not longer than 4-5 days. After awhile it just becomes the norm, him being gone, or myself being gone. It’s definitely a different experience being the one left versus being the one traveling! Relationships are hard and travel is just another obstacle.

  26. I have moved 4 times in the past 2 years for my job. I don’t have a significant other so I can only imagine how hard it is to be separated after being apart for so long!
    What I do know is that not having another person, is really hard, but at the same time, moving so often on my own has left me no choice but to make my own life, my own friends, yadda yadda yadda.
    It’s damn hard, but when I do finally have someone, I’ll always have those friends, relationships and activates that are mine, and part of me., and for that I am eternally grateful.
    Good luck 🙂

  27. Thanks for sharing and opening up; I like these personal posts. Although I don’t have any long-distance relationship experience to draw on, I can relate to discovering who you are in a new environment. I don’t know what my life would be like if I didn’t join my tri team, but I do know I’d be nearly as happy as I am now.

  28. I’m glad you posted this. As hard has it is to publish the personal, it helps to process how you feel about something (not to mention remember that you’re in good company). Doug and I did four long years of long-distance relationship – from August through May, he was in Seattle, and I was in Virginia. I moved twice each year to Seattle so that we could have the summers together (and though I love to travel, that was a little much).

    To be honest, I don’t remember how we got through it. I do remember long conversations, the loneliness, the buildup of knowing our time was coming to an end every summer. But I also remember the freedom that came with the time apart, and how much it helped to build our relationship. It forced us to learn how to be better communicators. It forced me to know myself better. Keep moving forward, my dear. That you are continuing to define yourself in your new space is the key. Tim will have something lovely to come home to. 🙂

  29. It is harder when you get used to somebody! Jon and I were long distance while I missed him, it was definitely harder being away from him once we were together. Also, even when we were long distance, it was WAY harder if I left the country. Even though we emailed regularly, we didn’t talk on the phone as much while I was on vacation. So it was weird. And now I have barely been without him so to leave him in June is definitely going to be weird!!!

  30. Hollie, I could write the book on this. Dated my (now) husband long distance for 2 years before we got married. Now he travels all the time for work and when he is home he work 100+ hour weeks, so I wake up and go to bed and he’s still at work….I get it….if ya ever need a sympathetic ear….I’m ALL ears! 🙂 Hang in there!

  31. The transparency and honesty is so wonderful-I thought you were superwoman 😉
    In all seriousness, I get exactly what you’re going through. And I’m about to see my boyfriend off on a deployment. Two days in el paso this weekend and that’s it for 10 months. It never gets easier but you’re doing the right thing by keeping busy and not moping around the house.

    I know the first few months my man is gone I have a move in there and 3 weeks of my own army training so I plan to keep as busy as possible! never hesitate to reach out if you need to ❤

  32. I have done long distance, and I completely understand that it is tough. I will say you don’t sound like you are complaining at all! its nice to have a life update from you 🙂

  33. I get antsy and cranky and upset when I don’t see Matt for five days (aka he lives in the same town and he has to work late/I have to study and we can’t hang out) LOL so you are DEFINITELY not being whiney or clingy missing Tim when he’s gone for a whole month! Actually I think you’re doing really really well with it 😀

  34. Coming up on being married ten years, my whole marriage has been an on and off again long distance thing. We were dual military for about the first half and now he is still in and is always away training or deployed. I don’t complain. I live far away from all my family so I keep a few friends super close. I am a full time student and I have a wonderful nine year-old son to keep my occupied. I have had some younger spouses as what is she supposed to do while he is away and I said just live your life. The world doesn’t stop because your loved one is away. Fill your time (I have signed for six races this year….two full marathons) and don’t sit around and be miserable. That is only fuel or potential fights which never go well over the phone or in emails. All you can do is keep moving forward and someday he will be home and you can get into the rhythm of you two being together and enjoying each others company.

    • Wow dual military?! I can only imagine how hard that was. I agree that staying busy is the key (at least for me). If I say around being bored it would make for a lot more fights.

  35. I can’t even imagine how hard it must be but I think you’re handling it really well. I wish I could do or say something to make you feel better and I’m not sure that I can … but I will say that any time you want to talk or possibly just exchange some random emojis, I am here for you!

  36. My bf and I did long distance, and then we were together, and now we’re doing it again. I don’t know if it gets easier, we get used to it, or we just learn how to deal. I am much better this time around, but it still SUCKS. I have days when I’m great, and I have days when I’m just like this crazy weirdo. We rely pretty heavy on FaceTime, it doesn’t replace seeing e/o face-to-face, but it sure does help. Just know you are not in it alone!

  37. I’m going through this right now with my husband living 3 hours away for work. It’s no fun. The worst part for me has been people saying, “I thought about you last night and felt bad that you were alone.”.. Umm okay, call me?! See how I’m doing rather than feeling sorry for me! Too bad NJ is far from WV!

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