More Cyber Bullying

I alluded to this a few posts ago but I wanted to talk a bit more on my thoughts of cyber bullying.  As you guys are probably aware (duh we are bloggers or reading blogs) there are a ton of different social medias out there…Facebook…twitter…blogging…instagram…dailymile…whatever it’s all there.

There are plenty of ways to harass others you know let alone people you’ve never met in real life.  I wanted to focus on the latter.

For most people, blogging is an outlet and a way to reflect.  Maybe you had an awesome race and want to share that with us (great!).  Maybe you had a not so great race and want to figure out why (happens to everyone).  We are all at different levels of running and athletics and do different things for “fueling” and that is point blank what I really wanted to focus on.

Running, nutrition and commentary towards both.

First and foremost, blogging is just a partial screen of your life.  We aren’t seeing the full thing (I hope and I don’t follow blogs that share every minute detail…it’s boring).  Yet there is always someone who has no problem passively aggressively telling you how it is.  If you are going to tell someone “straight up” it doesn’t count if you do it passively.

For example, contrary to a lot of people my favorite food group is proteins.  Although I enjoy pasta occasionally, I don’t go out of my way for it.  I don’t go out of my way to carb load for runs (unless it’s a bigger race) and I also don’t fuel during 90 minute runs.  Do I fuel during races?  Yes.  Do I eat more carbs before races?  Yes.  But I do not go out of my way to eat a gallon of pasta…I would rather eat pancakes personally.

And it’s worked for me personally most times. (nothing works 100% of the time duh)

My dad on the other hand doesn’t eat breakfast (and eats pancakes perhaps once a year!), eats a small lunch and a huge dinner.  Carb loads for his ONCE A YEAR marathon and longer races.  He does well at his races and that works for him.  Would it work for me?  No, not at all…

The same is with people in the blogging world.  I’m not good at cooking at all and I don’t pretend to be.  Some bloggers be cooking the fanciest and healthiest stuff.  If I could-I would but that isn’t the case for me.  We are all different.

So now that I’ve spent 400 words getting out of the way what I’m really trying to say is this.  If you are going to snarkily say “well I could never run the way so and so does by eating that, that is a half assed comment and get it off of here”.  Instead say say “so and so, how does this compare to eating this if you have tried it”…or if what they are doing makes you uncomfortable…don’t read their blog.  If you are reading more than 25 or so blogs daily, chances are…that is too many.  How do you even relate to everyone?

Now that I’m out of college and have “grown up” a bit, I start to see the unhealthy relationships of blogging.  I’m not here to tell you how to live your life and nor do I care too.  I’m not a doctor, telling you what to eat and what works.   I used to want to be more involved in people’s lives in the blogging world, but that is so unrealistic.  I don’t have time for that or to read thousands of blogs of people that just annoy me.

Once again, each to their own.

Questions for you:

Have you ever been cyber bullyed?  Have you ever cyber bullyed?

I think to some extent you cannot honestly say you haven’t done both…whether purposely or not

On a lighter note, what is your favorite macro: protein, fat or carbs?

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  1. Morning! I like this, every one is different and we all fuel different, some of us have funky bellies and literally have one or 2 things that we can eat before racing. Protein and fats are definitely my favorite, there are just a million and one things I would personally rather eat than pasta or rice. In the spirit of being all “omg I’m just like you” I have actually never brought fuel / water / anything on a run with me before. By the end I’m always dying for water but for me at least I feel like superwoman during a race because I have that fuel and water. Feast or famine!

  2. I like the comparison you made with you and your dad. It just goes to show that there are so many different ways to live and be healthy. I am not a big breakfast person and never have been. Dinner has always been my go-to meal. I love my pasta but I have a lot of friends that don’t really like it. I haven’t experienced a lot of what I would call “cyber bullying” but on occasion I do see the snarky comments. I don’t get the point of them, really. If you have an issue, email me personally. There’s no need to go all crazy on someone you’ve never met in real life. If you wouldn’t say it to their face, don’t say it at all. I’ll probably still go load up on my bowl of pasta and you on your steak regardless of what people think. That’s fine and there’s nothing wrong with that.

  3. It took me a little while but I have finally streamlined my reader down to the blogs I truly enjoy. I get passive aggressive comments a lot! Mostly about being a vegetarian and attempting to be a spin instructor. Thennnn the motherload of bullying came when I wrote about those race directors. I was threatened and they created a hate website about me. That was enjoyable! Some people get off on putting others down. I shook it off, I can’t be bothered with ignorance like that.

    1. Exactly, I filter through a lot of blogs. I don’t read every single persons post. Some blogs I consider myself a casual subscriber too and I’ll only read posts that are relevant to me and my life (a lot of strict vegan blogs honestly as well as those who don’t train for things…).

      I often get passive aggressive comments or comments that I just don’t want to respond too becuse I know it will be a passive aggressive comment from my end. No point really.

      Finally, I can’t believe they created a hater site!

  4. I think it does become very evident the more time you spend reading blogs which people care and who really are just commenting to… Well, I don’t know their point, really. I tend to read the same blogs every day. If I find a blog I can actually relate to or enjoy reading because it makes me giggle, I notice I’ll immediately add it to my reader. If my first inclination isn’t to add it, I probably don’t relate to them. I’m pretty open with what I say but I know I need to watch my tongue sometimes; after all, we only know what each person wants us to know.

    1. I normally like to comment later in the day so I can comment about the comments. No just kidding that is double passive aggression. I enjoy every part of your comment though because it speaks nothing but the truth.

  5. Hey I found your blog through Running With Spoons, I am new to the blogging world and recently dealt with some cyber bullying with people on a forum commenting that the way I was eating wasn’t “dieting” to them…but like you said, what is right for them might not be right for me. Anyways I let myself get upset and I shouldn’t have. You are very right and next time I will take the high road, or at least the ignore road

    1. Sorry to hear about the bullying…that is certainly no fun for anyone. Everyone has something that works and doesn’t for them. I have made some very aggressive posts before poking fun at people and I fully admit that but to an extent I believe that although the healthy blogging world has some good tendencies…a lot of them are not. At all.

  6. wow I agree… ok keeping it short as I have tons of homework and want to update my neglected blog, but I like to eat all rounded hmm that sounds weird haha… what I mean is I don’t really fuss about it anymore… been there done that with gymnastics so now I pretty much eat anything… although sadly i think I eat more of carbs I love my carbs = first source of energy… 🙂 Ok there’s my mini ramble…

  7. As much as I love the internet for allowing me to communicate with people that I otherwise wouldn’t come across, I hate that it seems to give people the idea that they can be straight up a**holes just because they can hide behind a computer screen. Having suffered with an ED, I get a lot of comments questioning my eating/exercise habits and accusing me of still harboring disordered thoughts. Like… really?! It’s gotten to the point where I just don’t want to share anything because I don’t want to deal with snarks from people who only see a tiny glimpse of my life.

    1. I find the same thing. I’ve recieved some obnoxious comments that I try and let fal by the wayside…sometimes it happens…sometimes not so much. Though I def wish it did. I don’t want to compare myself to any bloggers here nor do I feel the need too.

  8. I have not directly received cyber bullying on my personal blog but have received it on the fairfield patch blog another site I write for. I have seen other people fall victim of some very mean cyber bullying and it just makes me sad that ppl go out of their way to put ppl down. I just want to comment back to them by saying if you’ve got nothing nice to say dont say it at all.

  9. Hmm, I’m not sure that passive-aggressive comments really qualify as bullying. I mean, I’ve had my fair share of criticism and I’ve been vocal enough about one or two other bloggers that really push my buttons but I do think that the word ‘bullying’ gets thrown around a lot. I don’t regard any of the comments I’ve had that way, aside from the trolls everyone has to deal with…disagreeing with someone’s fuelling strategy isn’t bullying, it’s either showing that the person making the remark is insecure, or that the blogger they’re ‘after’ is looking pretty peaky and not necessarily being upfront about *why* they won’t eat during races, for example.

    Perhaps I’m just uber-sensitive to this because I went through a decade of bullying and it was not snarky remarks, it was malicious comments picking apart every facet of my appearance, deliberately set-up ‘games’ to destroy my sense of self and doubt my own sanity and regular physical…well, assault I suppose – I had doors slammed on me, I was punched and kicked, I had clumps of my hair pulled out, hot water thrown over me and once someone actually set fire to my hair. So compared to that, sometimes I can’t bring myself to cry ‘bullying’ when someone questions a blogger, either myself or someone else.

    Oh, and after that diatribe I have to say that I’m a protein person all the way too. I have pasta maybe twice a year (ironically I had some a fortnight ago and didn’t like it) and the only carbs I ever have are from oatmeal (occasionally) and squash. I eat too much fruit really so I suppose I’m not exactly low carb, but it makes absolutely no difference to how I run. The day before my fastest half marathon I had no ‘carb’ carbs to speak of at all!


    1. Funny, the day I ran my fastest half was on little carbohydrates as well. Anywho-

      My raw thoughts are this. There are too many younger bloggers (I am generalizing because that is in my personal experience) that has passively aggressivly commented towards my blog/running/dailymile to begin with. They are passive aggressive, back handed compliments if that makes sense. Comparing yourself to a blogger who you may meet once in your lifetime…maybe is ridiculous.

      I shouldn’t let it get under my skin but occasionally it does. They are young (I mean I’m young too I suppose) but that is my rant of the day.

  10. Oh, and I don’t eat when I run, even if it’s 20+ miles. Why? Well, to put it bluntly because if I do then I WILL shit myself running, and I’m not going to eat Immodium like sweets just for the sake of that. I’ll drink Powerade or something if I’m racing a marathon, but otherwise I don’t bother – I just eat a reasonable amount beforehand if it’s a race or stick with nothing if it’s early in the morning. I don’t need it and I think people who do feel piggish or something so they cry ‘disordered’ at anyone who doesn’t need to eat prior to running – newsflash people, I ain’t exactly wasting away 😛

    Okay, I will stop spamming your comments section now.

    1. I know plenty of people (and my dad included) that do not fuel during running. My dad does not use any gels and just gatorade during an entire marathon. I eat a lot before I run as well which is why I think I haven’t needed gels during races.

      And you don’t spam ever. Your comments mean a lot to me because they are honest and I value your opinion. (end mushy comment blogger love).

      1. OH MY GOSH, I cracked up when I read the comment about eating during running. I am the SAME way Jess! I don’t eat a THING while running…for that reason exactly 😉 Sometimes I don’t even drink. MAYBE I’ll have water at like mile 20…but that’s IT! I’m terrified of you know what happening 😉

  11. You and I have talked about this a lot, and I love that you are posting about it. You have a large following and people love reading your posts so maybe they will take this post to heart. Cyber bullying has been going on a long time and it’s unnecessary. Remember AOL and AIM, cyber bullying was big back then too, now with all of the social media sites there are and blogs, it is only getting worse. Technology has provided a way for bullies to hide behind their words. Before writing a comment on someones post or wall, make sure that is something you would want someone to post on yours. Lame I know but maybe if more people started thinking that way the cyber bullying trend might decrease a little.

    I don’t have a favorite Macro, I love them all. Food. Yummy. on that note, time to find something to eat.

    1. I do agree completely. I think passive aggressiveness also comes with comparing yourself to other people. When am I ever going to race such and such, I enjoy reading about their training sure…but do I care enough about it to make aggressive comments about how to train…no…if they ask me that’s great but I’m not here to give out life advice.

  12. I think Jess makes some good points. I don’t have a blog so many I’m not qualified to speak on this, but it seems like a few “passive aggressive” (?) comments along the lines of “Wow, I could never eat like that and perform that way!” don’t sound like bullying to me at all. (Maybe I just don’t understand the examples you’ve given, but actually that doesn’t even sound passive aggressive to me! Maybe people are just expressing genuine surprise – who knows.)

    Also if a blogger is the type who takes a bunch of pictures of their food and who posts nearly every meal? To me, that screams having an overfixation on food and probably some related body image issues anyway, so honestly, if they’re getting called out on that it’s probably a good thing.

    I think I just don’t really understand your examples – lately a lot of your posts have really confused me because they are clearly prompted by or in response to something that happened elsewhere in the blogworld. For example, the dash of meg and her giveaway on twitter and her “185lb” squat, and everyone was blogging about her but NOT directly saying who they were blogging about (to me, doing THAT is WAY more passive aggressive than anything you’ve posted about here). I guess without the context of whatever issue you’re responding to, and without knowing exactly what is prompting you to post things like this, it’s hard to say whether I agree or not! A little confusing.

    1. You actually nailed exactly what I was referring to in your first paragraph. Maybe they are surprised maybe not.

      While yes my posts have been prompted but not entirely by that situation. I fully admit that was not the most intelligent/smart/polite/ect thing to do. After writing that post and letting myself simmer for a few days, I realized that. Would deleting the post have been better? Maybe but I can’t take back what I said and I still found it obnoxious but I went about it the wrong way. I realized after that I really don’t care that much into people’s lives that it should have upset me as much as it did.

      I also work in the health promotions field and from time to time I’ll share things I pick up at conferences or at work at general. These last two on cyber bullying have been related to a lot of things we have been working with on the college campus.

  13. Thanks for your civil/non-defensive response!! That is a rarity in HLB land for sure. I agree so much with the last sentence of your second paragraph, I sometimes feel like I have similar reactions about things that just don’t matter that much.

  14. I like reading how certain runners fuel because I feel like it’s something I haven’t really mastered yet myself … but I can’t imagine caring enough about what one person does or doesn’t eat to be bothered to comment on it one way or the other. People are strange, IMO.

    That said, my favorite pre-race meal is pizza … so I guess I’m in for the carbs, but with some other stuff to round it out. Not a big pasta person, makes me feel kinda bloated and sleepy.

  15. I can totally see how this could happen. I just don’t understand the judgment and such that occurs due to blogging. Every person is unique; it’s a way of life. If you don’t like the way someone is living life, don’t be rude about it. If it’s a destructive behavior, maybe personally email them, but ultimately just don’t follow them. Judging and bullying is horrible!

  16. Ah, cyber bullying. Hate it! It’s one of the biggest downfalls of blogging.

    I was actually cyber bullied for the first time last spring. I lost weight from having my stomach infection, but at the time I didn’t know I had the infection. Someone commented on my blog that I had an eating disorder and told me to stop running. A few weeks later, I found out that I had been losing weight because of the stomach infection. It definitely hurt my feelings that someone judged me so quickly, you know? But I guess with blogging we just have to have “tough skins” sometimes!

  17. Running, fueling, and nutrition are such personal topics–like you wrote, what works for one person may not work for someone else. I’m starting to discover what works for me, but just because someone doesn’t eat/run/fuel the exact same way you do doesn’t mean your strategy is better or worse. Everyone is different! I feel like you’re preaching to most of the choir here, but I agree with you nonetheless. 🙂

  18. I can’t say I’ve been cyber bullied and I sure hope my comments to other people haven’t come off as bullying either! I do know that everyone is different and does NOT fuel the same!! I LOVE ME MY FATS, but if it’s for a run..I definitely perform better with carbs carbs carbs.

  19. The thing with carb loading, about 99% of people don’t realize that in order for carb LOADING to work, you first have to DEPLETE your carb stores. Like, do a 2+ hour run on an empty stomach. and THEN carb load. Yeah, I think that would shock all the people telling you “omg you don’t eat enough carbs before a race!!” lol. Also, I know you have some blood sugar issues right? So…it makes sense that you don’t gravitate towards carbs. leaning towards protein seems to actually be way healthier for you. And if it works….why change it?

    And yeah, people who are going to passive-aggressively tell you how to eat or how to run are probably just insecure with their own habits, which is sad. And like…..really who has time to be involved in everyone elses life?!? I mean, I like the friends I’ve made through blogging and its nice to have people who call me out on my bullshit, but like…the only people allowed to do that are the ones that I would actually want to meet in real life! Actually, if I don’t want to meet you in real life, I probably don’t read your blog….AIN’T NOBODY GOT TIME FO DAT.

  20. I never want to pass judgement on how people eat or what they chose to eat. Actually what I hate most is that people think I judge them on what they chose when they go out with me because of my major or based on what I get. I love that we are all different and we should all eat very differently and according to what we personally like. Some people carb load, you don’t. That works for you but it might not work for so and so next door. I like your suggestion to the alternative to “that would never work for me” Did they ask if it would work for them? nope.

    I love your thoughts on this lets talk more on our dates today 😀 I am so excited I started my blog reading this morning with your blog of course!

  21. I gotta say that I totally agree with this. Rude/snarky/passive agressive comments can be hurtful and frustrating, but I don’t think that they all fall under the category of cyber bullying. When you’re writing about your life (even a portion of it) for an audience, you have to be able to take the the bad with the good. I do agree that there are a lot of young bloggers who can take criticism the wrong way though. As unfair as this might sound, perhaps they shouldn’t be blogging or should make their blogs password protected. While that’s definitely not the right solution for everyone, sometimes that’s what it comes down to. As awesome as it would be if everyone was nice and supportive all the time, it’s probably not going to happen anytime soon. 😉

    1. I believe if you can’t take some criticism you shouldn’t be blogging. I wouldn’t want every comment to fake and positive the same as I wouldn’t want every comment to be negative. If you whine every post about criticism due to “haters” you might reevaluate yourself if you should be blogging or not.

  22. HOLLIE. I TOTALLY agree with you. Honestly that is why I stopped blogging for a while. It was starting to encourage my unhealthy habits with food/ running/ working out/ etc. So I took a step back & now I just blog about fun stuff. Nothing about what I eat or any of that. People are SO critical & I know if people saw what I ate daily they would probably send me lots of nasty comments. I don’t have time for that.
    So I say GOOD for you for putting this out there …and screw the haters 😉
    I love ya girl, and you are an AMAZING runner & person!!! Keep doin’ what your doin’ because it’s definitely working!

  23. I think I’ve been lucky and pretty bully free, but I think it’s important to be pretty secure before putting your thoughts out there for the world.

    I love me some pancakes too. But protein is by far my favourite. I’m slowly learning to add in more carbs and ease back a little on the protein peddle 😉

  24. I have one bully in particular, and unfortunately I know her. It’s my MIL. It doesn’t help that she is a runner herself, so we are constantly criticized for what we do, or don’t do. She’s very passive aggressive about it too, which pisses me off.

    Oh and carbs, all the way. It’s our diet, haha.

  25. I’ve been pretty lucky on the blogging front; most likely because I’m just an itty bitty blogger in a very large ocean. That and I don’t really care enough about other’s blogs (I know that comes across very crass) to go an pick fights. My mentality is you do you and I’ll do me. We’re all different so what works for one doesn’t work for another. Keep doing you Hollie, don’t worry about what others say. And yes, my jaw did drop a bit when you said your dad only eats pancakes like once a year. That’s almost blasphemous. 😉

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