Looking at my posts from 2-3 years ago is a little bit embarrassing. Almost like looking at old scrapbook of distant memories. I have been away from college and Potsdam for a year in Oswego and have for the most part, really enjoyed myself. Writing this post has become a lot harder than I ever imagined it would.
As some of you know or don’t (I guess since I’ll probably link it back to my facebook everyone can know) I have extreme social anxiety. I don’t thrive off of being spontaneous all the time and moving to a brand new place, not knowing anyone or anything really about the area last fall really sent me into a tizzy the entire last summer. I have a very hard time being in situations that are crowded (big concerts, big road races…bars) and I also have a very hard time facing new situations. Not the whole “oh no so and so are judging me, but I’ve had panic attacks because of it).
So many questions I asked myself on the drive up…Would I make friends? Would I still be close to my old friends? Would I sit in my room and cry because I was all alone? Would I find things to do? The list that went through my mind last summer was endless.
But let’s start from the very beginning of my internship yes?
I made it to Oswego and when my dad (who drove up with me) and I finally located my room, they had absolutely no records or idea of who the heck I was. So I sat there for about 15 minutes crying and in a near panic attack before calling my boss to get help. I was already stressed from driving but the fact that I might not be able to move in was really overwealming.
My boss was more than helpful and I moved all my stuff in. Then dad and I were on our way back to the airport to drop him off in the morning.
For those of you who don’t know, I’m extremely close with my family and leaving again in the fall was extremely difficult for me. The more I seemed to get through college, the harder it seems to get. I thought it was supposed to be a reversal here. My dad has driven up with me to college or Oswego the 90% of the time that I make that drive from upstate to VA or vice versa.
The first semester work wise was great. I worked on pretty cool projects and learned a lot more about public/community health then I did in my courses. Not to say I hadn’t learned much in my courses but the real world is far more inclusive to learning things in the field. I worked on various topics dealing with mental health (the suicide prevention walk) as well learning what exactly it meant to be a health promotions coordinator on a college campus. It was far more overwhelming at some points than others but I truly enjoyed it.
Also during first semester, I dealt with a foot injury that prevented me from running. That in itself sent me into an extreme spiral due to the amount of training and also the suspected heights I was going to achieve collegiately. Let’s be honest here my life is comprised of family and friends, work and my hobbies (which right now is running). Taking out 1/3 of my life was a big deal and it felt like the countless 90 mile weeks I had logged were absolutely for nothing.
What if’s can be played here, but it gave me more time to focus on other aspects of my life. (edit: I’ve only come back stronger from my bootleg injury so honestly I have no regrets…plus I made some serious great friends in the gym…I’m looking at you SARAH!)
I can type my foot injury casually now, but just know combined with being in a new area and not many friends at the time, it was a very rough period for me. I called my parents crying several times…thank goodness they were always there to listen.
I made friends my first semester with coworkers, was able to see some of my friends that lived in the area and for the most part was doing okay. There were still times I sat at home on a Friday, Saturday and Sunday night but I was fine with that. As a more introvert and someone never really into the college scene in college it wasn’t a big change there. I didn’t want to go to the bar scene and so relaxing at night kind of was my thing.
When the time came for what I was doing in the Spring, I had absolutely no idea. I had looked and applied for several jobs and hadn’t heard much back. I tried to stay focused and determined but it seemed like nothing was working. My original plan had been move back to VA after the semester and look for jobs there, but I was lucky enough that I could stay and work in Oswego for another semester buying me time to continue looking for jobs (which for those of you who don’t know or are still in college…it’s not streamlined and you will be 100% frustrated.).
Then in November, everything seemed to click…you can go back and read about my long winded whines regarding my cyst but I was able to run the final collegiate cross country race. It seemed like things were clicking again and I began my long journey to gaining back my running fitness…that really I never lost in two months.
Oh and duh I got to see Tim for the first time in four months. That was a good Thanksgiving.
So mid December I left Oswego for the Winter break and went back home. I was excited to spend a month off and hanging out down south but knowing I was coming back in the Spring to work again.
Tomorrow I’ll post more about Spring as this is wordy.
Questions for you:
Have you ever moved somewhere completely new, not knowing anyone?
Do you scrapbook?
I feel like my blog is a collection of my scrapbooking, as well as facebook (considering I have 3000+ photos)