I have to tell you-somewhat share something with my blogging community that I haven’t shared with anyone-not Aram, not my parents, not my closest friends. I feel I can trust you. You won’t tell anyone will you?
It isn’t like most people don’t suspect it. It isn’t like people don’t already assume. They assume maybe the complete opposite than it is though, but I have an unhealthy relationship with my dining hall. It is where all my problems lie. The choices, so many choices. It makes me too anxious. I can’t control myself. Because I’m so anxious I eat everything. Thousands of calories-thousands of calories of crap. In the next few weeks, I’m going to severely limit my dining hall experiences. After all-when Aram leaves, I’m going to be cooking more for myself anyways.
I’m sorry to spring this on you. I’m sorry to confess. So please don’t worry that I don’t eat enough because I assure you-I have gained a lot of weight over the course of two months. Please do not think that I’m just “that complaining” girl about her weight-because I’m not. I have tried countless times to ask for help-but no one takes me seriously. That is why I have confessed it on my blog.
Anyways before I begin to talk about my plans, I’m going to preface this with saying: this isn’t related to anorexic-I infact cannot restrict myself. I have never purged any of my food. I have a problem with binge eating. Eating too much. Now-before I go into more detail…I have gained about 10 pounds of weight in the last month. I have talked to many people about that, but no one takes me seriously because I am small to begin with and they don’t even believe me. They think I’m just another girl in college that has a problem with self image. They won’t look at the actual fact that in a month I have gained 10 pounds.
It could be because of my new birth control. I went on a low estrogen birth control and since then I have broken out, had cravings for strange food and been on an emotional roller coaster. It hasn’t been too pretty.
I have decided I’m giving myself one month-until December 18th (that is when I get back home for Christmas break). If I cannot get myself away from binge eating and if I continue to gain weight and have emotional problems, I will seek help.
I am going to talk about issues I am facing everyday. I’m am not going to take pictures of all the food I eat because I think that will make it worse. I’m going to try and stay more clear of the dining halls. I’ll go to more a la carte areas where I purchase 1 meal and not have so many choices.
So here is to day 1 (and my swim meet).
Hollie
